Am I The Melbourne A-Hole? Five real Melbourne scenarios. You vote. No mercy.
AITMA #1: The Brunch Betrayal
My friend raves about this cafe in Fitzroy — “best brunch in Melbourne, you HAVE to go.” So I went. The eggs were fine. The toast was fine. Everything was… fine.
When she asked what I thought, I said: “Yeah, it was alright. Nothing special though.”
She hasn’t spoken to me in four days.
AITMA for telling my friend their favourite brunch spot is mediocre?
🗳️ YOU DECIDE: Share this with your group chat and count the votes.
AITMA #2: The Outer Suburb Refusal
My mates moved to [redacted outer suburb]. 45 minutes on the train. They keep inviting me over for dinner. I keep saying I’m busy.
Here’s the truth: I’m not busy. I just refuse to travel more than 20 minutes for a social event. I will go to the other side of the CBD for a good cocktail bar. I will not go to Zone 2 for a barbecue.
They’re starting to notice. My excuses are getting thinner. Last week I said I had “a thing.”
AITMA for refusing to visit friends who moved to the outer suburbs?
🗳️ YOU DECIDE
AITMA #3: The Flat White After 11am
I was at a cafe in Carlton with a colleague. It was 2pm. She ordered a flat white. The barista didn’t say anything, but I saw the look.
I turned to her and said: “You know ordering a flat white after 11am is basically a crime in Melbourne, right?”
She said I was being pretentious. I said I was being honest. We sat in silence for three minutes.
AITMA for judging someone who orders a flat white after 11am?
🗳️ YOU DECIDE
AITMA #4: The $6 Bread Refusal
Went to a restaurant in South Yarra with five friends. The bill came. It included $6 for bread that nobody asked for. It just appeared on the table.
Everyone wanted to split evenly. I said: “I’m not paying $6 for bread I didn’t order. They put it there to charge us.”
One friend said I was “ruining the vibe.” Another quietly agreed with me but wouldn’t say it out loud.
I paid my share minus $1.20 (my portion of the phantom bread). The table went silent.
AITMA for refusing to pay for bread nobody ordered?
🗳️ YOU DECIDE
AITMA #5: The Suburb Lie
I was on a first date. She asked where I lived. I live in Footscray. I said “the inner west” and quickly changed the subject.
Later, she said she lives in “the inner north” and I’m 90% sure she means Thomastown.
We’re both liars. But am I the worse one?
AITMA for being vague about my suburb on a first date?
🗳️ YOU DECIDE
Got an AITMA scenario? Send it to aitma@melbz.com.au. We’ll publish it (anonymously) and let Melbourne judge you.
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